This season of my life I have been graciously shown the importance of community. I have and am learning what it looks like to bear with one another in burdens and to be honest and vulnerable about my burdens as well. It has been a blessing to be around both brothers and sisters in this time and to grow with them and to spur on their growth as well. One of the biggest things that I see in mine and others walks with Christ is counting the cost of following Christ. This is a part of the Gospel that we sometimes leave out when sharing with others is that there is a cost to following Jesus. The cost is everything and that looks different for different people but the cost is the same for everyone. We have to leave no part of our lives untouched by Jesus when we surrender to Him. This series will take us through the life stories of women and men in my life that have been a beautiful and essential part of my community over the past year. My prayer is that these stories of young believers will encourage and convict us. I pray that the Lord would allow the transparency of these brothers and sisters to be a catalyst for transparency in your community. My hope is that these posts will open up dialogue in small groups and bible studies and that you will start asking questions about peoples stories and enter in with them in their brokenness and joy.
I got to interview some sweet friends of mine that were willing to share their stories with me and with all of you. I have kept their names and the names in their stories anonymous because of the sensitivity of some of the information.
Remember the point of this series isn't to try and figure out who the people are that are made anonymous it is to be impacted by their journeys. Let their vulnerability grab you and let their faithfulness convict.
This is K's Story.
Testimony:
I was born into a pretty dysfunctional family. (Like so many others. I mean like seriously who can't relate to that.) My dad was an alcoholic and my parents divorced at 5. I started going to church with an aunt and I thought it was a pretty positive environment. I remembered being drawn to church it felt like a safe place and also I love to follow the rules so it became a means of trying to obtain perfection initially.
It is so easy for us to get drawn into the idea that God is a means to perfection instead of wanting to behold God for who he is.
I was also drawn to stories about Jesus and I also found a place to belong.
As I went to church more I learned about sin and saw it in my family, but didn't realize until later that I was also broken and that God had made a way for me to be forgiven through Christ. I remember being at a Bible Man performance, this dude that dressed up in a superhero costume to portray the armor of God, and there was an invitation at the end and I felt broken. I was crying and felt the weight of my sin and for the first time saw my need for Jesus. This moment was genuine. I started walking in this life with Jesus thinking that I needed to be perfect. I used my growing knowledge of God to cover up my brokenness.
We can use knowing a lot about God as a defense mechanism to not be broken in front of others and God. Knowledge is one of those things that are beautiful but can easily be distorted. It is a beautiful thing to desire to know more about God, but be careful that it doesn't become an idol. Or a way for you to cover up your constant need for God.
K’s College Years:
Going into college I was carrying baggage from high school wearing a mask and feeling broken and lonely. I went to a retreat in this broken state and found a woman to confess to. Confess all of the brokenness that I had been hiding for so many years. I met God’s grace that day. I realized that God wanted me to come to him in my brokenness through that a journey of healing started. Through college, I found out what it meant to walk by the Spirit.
My faith became less of something for myself and became a thing that I wanted others to know about. I realized that the brokenness actually draws people in.
I started tp think about the people all across the world that needed to also know about Christ and I learned God’s heart for people cross-culturally.
What does it cost to follow Christ?
K’s Cost:
This is a question that I have been pondering recently. Some things that it cost me were:
1.Relationships that were unhealthy that I wanted but God said no.
2.Social cost. People don't always want to be associated with people calling themselves Christians.
3.Leaving behind family and friends and living in a country that is very polluted. Missing wedding and funerals. Not seeing family grow up.
4. My calling made meeting a future spouse harder.
Have you ever thought about walking away from Christ?
Walking away:
Absolutely. This is something that I have seen others wrestle with as well. The first time I saw it I was floored at why people would even do that.
I saw others wholeheartedly seeking the lord and watching them experience a challenging season in life and seeing them walk away from God, it shook me. For me, over the past couple of years going through seasons of depression or mental suffering, I’ve questioned Jesus’ ability to sustain me. I found that the longer we follow Jesus the harder it gets. I shifted my perspective to the idea that God is using these things to sanctify me. And when I am at my end I realize that I have to rely on Jesus.
What would you tell others when they are thinking of walking away?
I beg you to recognize your spiritual poverty and utter dependence on Christ. It can be scary but continue to dig in and walk forward and find deeper understanding and truth in the Word
(see Romans). Know that it's not about how strong your faith is but the object of your faith. Take the focus off of yourself and realize that it's about Jesus.
What has it looked like for you to pick up your cross?
This is an interesting question. Christianese. My thoughts aren't fully formed. When we are relating with Christ in his death and resurrection we are done with things that had power over us. I have to remind myself of what is already true. Giving up entitlement, comfort, convenience, recognition. Sometimes it's not huge things. It’s the little things like loving your coworker with the attitude. The daily grind of being obedient and it's not always the natural thing because we still have the flesh. We can look at things from a temporal perspective. Discerning when I am responding in the flesh and being tempted to go after the things that human nature desires and being reminded that those things don't have to control over me because of Jesus.
Why is Jesus worth it?
If Jesus was fully God and fully human if everything he did was true. Him leaving his position with the Father and came and bought me. Jesus seeing our value and him being the son of God and sovereign king. Him alone deserves our praise and affection not even just what he did. There is still more that I personally want to grow in understanding of who Christ is. Honestly, my first answer would be what he's done but I want to grow in deeper love for who he is. Even though we give up a lot we are given so much more. We are given the source of life through him. We get to be unified with Christ and to fellowship with the community. I can do nothing apart from him literally nothing! He's worth it all.
