A girl in my class asked me the other day, “You look sad. Are you okay?” When she said that it made me kinda laugh because I had just come from crying in car. That may sound super depressing it really isn't I had experienced a taste of what it would feel like to let go of all the stuff I was holding on so tightly to.What she saw as sadness was my spiritual exhaustion.
Have you ever been holding on to something so tight and not even realize that you were until you let go?
When I was in high school I had this friend. Some of you may know who he is. I was with him literally every single day. I would pick him up for school and take him home after practice. We would see each other in the hallways and walk each other to class; we were attached at the hip. I didn't even realize how tightly I was holding onto that relationship until we stopped talking everyday and I was shocked at how much it had consumed my life and how tightly my nails were in his skin metaphorically. It wasn't even just affecting me and him but the other relationships I had. That is what happens when we are holding on to things in our life that we shouldn't be. It affects those around us and it makes everything painful. Not just your physical body but your spiritual and emotional well being.
This is me. This is my struggle.
I am holding on to the idea of how I want my life to go. How old I want to be when I get married and have my first child. What I want to do career wise. Where I want to live and how financially comfortably I want to be. The simple fact is that I would rather not do what God wants me to do because I could be rejected and I will be uncomfortable; I would rather just be comfortable with my manipulated and controlled version of life than the one that sends me out of my comfort zone. But you will get exhausted. You can absolutely try to hold on to all those things but you will get tired and eventually have to let go because it will take a toll on everything in your life. So let go right? It sounds amazing. And so much easier said than done. I get that but it is so worth it.
Why is it so hard to let go?
We want control. You want control, but really think about it should you actually be entrusted with that? I have been in control of my life in the past and it was leading me straight to hell and my ignorance thought it was okay. And its ironic because we are literally telling a sovereign God that we are going to stay in control like his will won't be done either way. It's actually ridiculous that we think we have more power and know better than God. We don't usually think about it like that but that's the truth of the matter. We don't deserve control neither do we need it. It's funny in the worst way because we see that being in control is no good and yet at the same time we don't want to give God control. It is insanity.
I had a conversation with a young girl the other day and I asked her if her being in control of her life was working for her and she said with assurance, “No”. I asked her if she wanted to give God control then and with the same assurance she said, “No, I want to keep doing it on my own”. My first reaction was shock. I was thinking are you serious you're not making any sense. You know its not working on your own yet you want to keep trying? I struggled with that conversation for a couple days and then God spoke to me and said “that's exactly what you do”. That quite literally knocked the breathe from my lungs. I had to stop in my tracks and just think about that. I tell God I can't do it on my own but yet I am unwilling to give God the control.
Just let go
So humor me and imagine a two skyscrapers that are far apart and there is a tightrope in between them. God has shown you that he has the ability to carry your weight across the tightrope and now he says he wants you to allow him to pick you up and he will carry you across. What is your reaction? Are you going to get into God’s infinite arms or are you going to try and walk the rope on your own? When I first heard this illustration the tears wouldn't stop flowing. I was hit with the realization that I couldn't do it on my own,but wow had I tried. I realized that I was exhausted from trying to get myself across.The funny thing is that I wasn't even moving across the tightrope anymore I was just hanging on to it because I wasn't balanced enough to walk. You will be exhausted if you don't let go of the reigns. You can't do this on your own despite your pride telling you that you can. The beautiful thing is though you weren't meant to. God not only can but also desires to carry you across these scary places in life. Let go of the future you desire for yourself. Let go of the people God has shown you to let go of. Let go of the self-sufficiency. I know its hard but be okay with knowing you can't do this on your own because in that moment God takes over. I won't lie to you though your life probably wont look like what you planned for it to but it will be infinitely better!
I challenge you to look at your life and answer the question: Are you exhausted? Answer it honestly. If you are LET GO!
My prayer for us….
Lord firstly please forgive us for thinking that we know better than you because that is what we are saying when we don't give you control. Please teach us how to trust you. I pray that we would be an example to others of that it looks like to have earth shaking trust in you. You are good and I pray that even though this world tries to blind us from that truth that we would always be aware of that. Thank you for loving us so much that you show us truth especially hard truth. I pray that this would fall on open ears and soft hearts. In Jesus name. Amen
In His Marvelous Grace,
Sincerely F.
