Have you ever desired so deeply love that you lost apart of yourself searching for it?
Have you ever been so empty that you don’t know a way out of your emptiness?
Have you ever looked at yourself or at all the things that you have done and said that no one could ever love someone as broken as you?
Have you ever experienced such a darkness around you that you thought it would overtake you but you were saved from that darkness?
I can honestly answer yes to all four of these questions. If you can even answer yes to one of these questions this is for you. I was taken through Romans my senior year of high school not long after I accepted Christ into my life. When I read Romans chapter 5 I was overwhelmed by the love I experienced there. Many know today that Romans 5:8 is my favorite verse. The reason that Romans 5:8 is my favorite verse is not because it is short or easy to remember but because it reminds me that God loves me so deeply and not only the transformed part of me but the dark and broken parts of me. Romans 5:8 says
“God shows his great love for that while we were still yet sinners he sent His son to die for us.”
Do you know what that means? That means that God knew that you were going to mess up. He knew that you would run from him. He knew that you would sin knowing that you were breaking his heart as a rebel. He knew that you would be far from him. He knew all that and he still sent His son to die for YOU! It may seem like a simple concept. It is a simple concept but as simple as it is it is breathtaking! It is life changing. Knowing that God loves you that much should change the course of your life. It changed the course of my life. The first time I read that I was overwhelmed by the love but now I am overwhelmed by the depth of knowledge God has of me and my failures and the love he has in spite of that.
Before I was even born I was in the church. Being the church girl was who I was not because I wanted it to be but because I was always there. My dad is the associate pastor at my church and my mom is a minister and being a part of the ministry was what people expected of me. It was too much pressure I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to run as far away from that as possible. I was hurting and broken and I didn’t understand who God was and how his love and grace applied to my life. I experienced a lot of hurt in church as well and I didn’t want any part of it for a long time. I was made fun of for being Ms. Goody Two-shoes for never doing anything wrong and being different from everyone else in the youth group. I knew the bible stories and the right answers to all the Sunday school questions but the answers and the stories meant nothing more to me than facts in a book. The Gospel the fact that Jesus died on the cross was merely a historical fact to me. Yes, I believed it with my head but I didn’t believe it with my heart. Even when I accepted Jesus into my heart I still couldn’t fully believe that the God of the universe loved me that much. It was a process of 2 years after high school to fully get it. I started praying in April of this year for my heart. This was my prayer:
“Lord, I know that the Gospel is something I hear all the time but let me never be numb to the Gospel and just how much I need it.”
WOW! Did he do that. I always say be careful what you pray because God hears and he will answer and it may be tough to go through to get to the answer. So much happened from that moment forward. I saw just how broken I was without God and how much I needed a savior. I saw that I have a broken relationship with everything around me when I don’t rely on Christ and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit convicted me of sin. Things I didn’t want to admit I was wrong about but he revealed it to me.
I had to relinquish the pride of feeling like others needed the Gospel and not myself. I urge you to pray this prayer. This prayer will transform your life. It will change the way you view God, people and ministry.
Brother or Sister this is my prayer for us:
Lord I pray that as my brother or sister has read this they will be convicted of any pride that they harbor and that they will see the constant need for your transformation in our lives. Holy Spirit I pray that you would stat convicting us of the sins that we are committing and that we are broken without you. Lord I pray that you would also reveal to them how deeply you love them. I pray that they would see that your love sees them in darkness and carries them out. Lord I pray that they would understand that they don’t need to hide from you because you know all those dark and cracked parts and you love them just the same. I pray that knowing how fully known and loved we are will change how we interact with ourselves, people and in ministry. Lord I thank you for my brother or sister for all you are doing to transform them even if it hurts right now. Let us take heart and be glad in this transformation because that means that you love us.
It is by His Marvelous Grace,
Love F
